Heaven Is No Where Close
by MorgansGurl
Summary: Someone ponders how thier death really should have gone, and what could have happened instead of what did happen...


Jus' kinda wrote this on a whim, really don't know why, I dont even like this character (you'll find out in the end) in fact I detest this character, but I like this story...

Really don't know why I wrote it...But Enjoy anyway.

You weren't told this in school, and it definatly isn't something you could learn in a book. No this was something that you could only learn from experience, by feeling it, knowing it first hand.

Having someone re-cap a story to you just doesn't cut it, watching the movies doesn't tell you much of what to expect.

You may think you're ready, convince yourself so much that when you're faced with it, you're not afraid. But when you experience it, oh, now that's something you could never prepare yourself for.

What they don't tell you, is that the pain is excruciating, and all you can focus on is the pain, that your eyes start to see the world moving, and that you really don't feel the wet stickiness of your own blood pooling around you.

You don't hear the world buzzing by you, and time doesn't really stop but you think it does. These are things they don't tell you, and even if they did you'd never understand unless you were there first hand.

You can taste the metal you know, not just feel the pain, but you can taste it in your system, you can smell it to, but most are so focused on the pain, on getting the pain to stop that they don't notice. 

What the books and movies don't prepare you for, what you can never prepare yourself for, is how to die.

You won't accept it, the fact that your going to die. Never. You may just let it overcome you, but no one ever truly accepts it, even on your death bed, as I am now, you won't accept the truth. The inevitable. 

Lying on cold concrete, looking up at the stars, it's amazing. You think, is that were I'm going to be heading, become just another star in the sky.

You feel the pain, but you feel the coolness around you. It's the most unique sensation in the world, dying, I'll never get over it. Or the fact that I never really did die, oh I did, just not in the biblical sense of it.

I remember walking the streets, feeling the steel slip through my bodice into my flesh, and then I remember a horrible face obstructing my view of the stars.

They don't prepare you for any of this in boarding school, and you can't learn it from off the streets or in a book, or even by another person.

Like I said before you have to learn it first hand. Have been there and done that to truly ever understand.

I'm not angry about it, I love my life as it is now. Or unlife as I should say to be politically correct.

I remember not being able to move, even if I had wanted to I couldn't move. And I remember the taste of iron in my mouth, the distinct taste of my own blood, and I could hear and feel my heart pump blood and adrenaline though my system, literally hear the gushing noise in my neck veins.

It was terrifying, and exhilarating at the same time. And I knew I was going to die, I just couldn't accept it at that moment.

Now here I am, nearly two hundred years old, saved by the master.

Looking at my darling boy, he has the face of an Angel you know, and I don't like pondering it long, but looking at him reminds me of the night I died. Twice actually. Or almost once, and then again. Looking at him reminds me of the question I had when I looked up at the stars.

Was that were I was going, to be another star in the sky.

I'm never going to know now, now am I. But it's an interesting question. Dru seems to know something about it, she's always going on about the stars. Maybe there's a connection, a reason that the crazy girl talks about them all the time.

Maybe that was our destiny had in store before fate reared its ugly head in our directions.

But I love my unlife. I'm on top of the world, not nearly as high as the stars, but this, I think, beats being truly dead.

Then again, I could be wrong.

But I don't like to ponder it long.

Like I said, it's not something they can teach you in a book, it's something you have to learn by being there, the feeling of dying.

It's the most unique feeling in the world.

And I'm in love with it.

A/N: In case you couldn't figure it out, this was told through Darla's pov.

Read and Review please


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